Easy, Tiger.

You know, I have no idea what to think of Tiger as a PERSON for this?

But I have to hand it to Tiger's marketing people.
Love it or hate it, you begrudgingly HAVE to.

There's absolutely, positively nothing they can do to restore his former image. As in Ever.
So they'll take a good, long roll in his new one instead.

Obviously, he is So. Getting. Divorced.
And uh, making the 'best' of it?

*scratches head for a minute, then shrugs*

Gotta pay for alimony somehow, I guess.

Scenes from a Health Club Locker Room

Big Wrestler Looking Dude: Oh GOD was it a zoo on the cardio floor?
Other Dude: Talk about AMATEUR night.
BWLD: Get the hell out the way already!
OD: I know.
BWLD: They'll all be gone by the end of the month anyway!
OD: Haa!
Me: Oh, come on. Be an optimist!
OD: Wha?
Me: I like to think of them as gone by Valentine's Day.
BWLD: HAW HAW!
OD: Yeah. Give em a couple more weeks. You're all heart!
BWLD: Dood. I HATE weak people.
Me: Hey!
BWLD: What?
Me: I was 270 at my heaviest in my 20s. I was one of 'em.
OD: Huh?
Me: Yeah. I'm 42 now!
BWLD: Ur?
OD: You don't look it.
Me: Maybe not NOW. But hey, I used to try and fail and try and fail too.
BWLD: Oh. *awkward pause*
Me: Gotta cut 'em a LITTLE slack.
BWLD: All right. I see what you're sayin'.
Me: At least there's enough treadmills for everybody.
OD: ALMOST.
BWLD: *snork*


So there. That's my good deed for the month.
Back to evil!

An Open Letter to Brenda

Dear Missus Nickname-I-Will-NOT-Type-Here-Cuz, Well-YOU-KNOWWWWW,

I know you like to stay warm in the winter. I appreciate that. Further, I'm well aware that, having come from the Canadas and all, you have amassed quite the collection of hats--my bad, TOQUES--and mitts and whatnot.

However, I respectfully ask that you refrain from wearing knit toques with Pom Poms on the top for the forseeable future, quite possibly forever. I'm sure they match your outfit and are no doubt comfortable, but this behavior must stop.


( Click here and I'll explain why )

Gratuitous Nudity.

I know. I know.

I've teased and teased and few of you have practically DEMANDED it...but even in the single days, I've never posted photos quite like these.

But today?

I promise you repeated, crystal-clear, unpixxelated, totally unobstructed views of a dark pole so long it won't even fit on camera.

You have to decide whether this is safe for viewing at work or with others in the room.
But you can't say you haven't been warned.

( Ready? Take a deep breath and go clicky )

WANT.

Mind you, it doesn't look quite as fun as that time Kar-UH and I rode a Herschell Looper at the Fair...as you could scream in each other's faces and giggle like ninnies while looping about in similar fashion...but who's built one of those since the 1960s?

I'LL TAKE IT.

I gotta take off work early and do a house walk-through before they start sheetrocking.
Missus Construction Project Boss can't make it. Her caseload's too heavy.

Sheesh. I hope I don't miss any details.
I know SHE wouldn't!

I'm supposed to be moving.
In less than three weeks.
Which is freaking me out.

Not enough to inspire me to PACK anything, mind you.

But enough to freak out otherwise.

...as they played the BEST commercial EVAH.

Poll #1503415 The X-Mas movie Poll
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 22

So which of these would you rather watch all day?